listen to the gun cock
feel the cold metal against your temple
admire the hesitant shaking of a scared index finger
take comfort in the cold sweat running down your face
press the barrel into your flesh
just squeeze and rush to join the rest
i will stand up here
thinking of all i’ve done
listening to the echoes from below
the cracking and rustling of the pebbles at my feet
feel my hair blowing in the gusts of wind
the tears running off my chin onto my chest
wanting to dive off and join the rest
i remember the old friends
killed by aids drugs and each other
always looking for one another
thinking that they all were blood brothers
destroying themselves alongside everyone else
while i sat on the side destroying myself
you
me
and everybody
killing ourselves together