I wake to a subtle numbness
Coming into a pain filled reality
Dizzied in angry despair
Lack of money and sanity
Hatred for all of humanity
As the day slashes on
I play nice while I can
Thinking hateful thoughts
Wanting to be the asshole
What I’ve been called for so long
Who people thought I was
I have become
And I act so I keep on
Hiding all I have undergone
Hating what I have become
What have I become?
I leave my room
Smile and talk to my roomies
Drink a lot more alcohol
Wait for my guard to fall
Hug my last friend and leave
Stand out near my truck and heave
Arriving at work
Greeting and laughing
Working as hard as I can
Crumbling
Lashing out at everything
Avoiding taking it out on people I like
Venting that which has no origin
On the trip home
I drive over the bridge
Should I veer off?
Terminate myself?
Before I germinate these demons
And I make it home
Straight into my room
Curling into my bed
Everything running through my head
Crying myself to sleep
Hoping I never wake up